After The Lockdown Ends:- What Becomes 'YOUR' New Norm?

Hands up if you’ve caught yourself saying or thinking there are aspects of your ‘new’ life, enforced by the lockdown, that you really like? I’ve been asking myself, is it ok to contemplate this whilst there is much suffering and anxiety surrounding us? However, I have discovered I am not alone in asking this question.

Let me be clear from the outset, each and every persons circumstances will be different and right now our hearts go out to those who are poorly, those suffering with the lose of a loved one, or those struggling in other ways. An appreciation is given here that it may be just ‘too soon’ for many to contemplate anything other than taking one day at a time.

Discovering Our True British Spirit

Under the unique circumstances of being in lockdown we have been ‘forced’ to adapt our every day way of life, our usual routines and rituals. For many of us what has risen to the surface of our consciousness are those aspects of our lives we truly consider to be important, the people we hold dear, and things we value. Whether we’re focusing on the safety of ourselves, our family, helping our community, finding new ways to carry on working, looking after the kids wellbeing, or simply finding new ways to fill our time, we’ve consciously re-prioritised our lives.

I have been overwhelmed with the outpouring of kindness, love and support in our neighbourhoods, our communities, our country. Around us we are experiencing the great ‘British Spirit’ at its best, a country and it’s people united by the worst of circumstances. In our life time we are collectively seeing what this truly means, feeling the effects of the strength and personal resilience we have all found during this time of adversity. I find myself hoping that the positives we have all discovered within ourselves and as a unified country will become the ‘new norm’, with a resurgence towards humankind at the centre of all that we are and all we do.

How simply amazing, playing on the radio right now is Tom Moore and Michael Ball singing ‘You’ll never walk alone’, it’s actually number one in the charts! We all love a hero and right now we have so many to celebrate. I am sure I’m not alone thinking, if 100 year old Tom, who’s raised over £33m can make a difference, what can I do? Having a fleeting thought is of little value unless it is translated into meaningful action. A well known quote from world renowned life coach Tony Robbins sums this up perfectly ‘The only impossible journey is the one you never begin’.

Over the last few weeks I couldn’t help noticing a pattern; a recurring theme in the many conversations I've had with people. It pretty much goes along the lines of ‘it’s terrible what's going on all over the world, Maude from across the road was taken into hospital yesterday, did you know she's got the virus! Who knows when this’ll end and if things will ever go back to normal. Saying that, let's hope that some of the good things that have come out of this awful situation will stay’. Here’s what the conversations have been building up to….. ‘So what have you been doing with yourself?’

I don’t know about you but I am not used to neighbours, the postman, the fruit & veg delivery man, and the supermarket lady, asking me what I’ve been doing with my time. I have to say, for once, I know exactly ‘what I’ve been up to’ and I am proud to share the new and different ways I’ve been spending my time, as they also are only too willing to share. I have to be honest and say I am quite liking having random conversations with people who would have once remained strangers; I am finding it most refreshing and wholly inspirational.

Our Personal Journey Of Discovery

For many of us we are finding space and time for more enjoyable and relaxing pursuits. I’ve heard many a story and seen the evidence on social media of friends and family rediscovering lost hobbies, rekindling old passions and finding new creative ways to keep themselves entertained. I am loving how many of us are moving back to more traditional methods, baking bread, planting herbs & veg, and cooking from scratch with fresh ingredients, becoming evermore self-sufficient. The sense of achievement having something home grown or baked has been a winner in our house, definitely something we will continue.

I have been so inspired by my own family and friends journeys of discovery. My Uncle, an amazing artist picking up his paintbrush after many decades in a bid to raise money for his local hospital. Our dear friend, who fully dedicates himself to the family business, out on his bike at 4 pm experiencing the energising benefits of simply taking a break before another day is over and it’s too dark to enjoy. I’ve even discovered things about my husband I didn’t know, he loves whittling wood and is making a skittles set having come home with a ‘lovely looking log’ from a recent walk. A keyboard appeared from our loft, together with a lost ambition of wanting to learn to play the piano. This very week he entered his first photography competition and was awarded 4th place, who knew the hidden deeps of his many talents!

Whether it be baking with the kids, taking up crafts with the proceeds going to charity, inventing new games, exercising with Joe Wicks, walking the dog out of choice not necessity or eating together as a family, if these are the types of enjoyable, fun things that have returned into our lives, then Hallelujah!

Changes To Our Working Landscape

Pretty much every aspect of our lives has been altered or adjusted in some way, particularly around our work patterns and communication forums. Regardless of the sector or business, it has been proven possible to work remotely, people learning to use technology to engage in virtual meetings, more so now than ever imaginable. I am repeatedly hearing the positive benefits people have experienced with this more flexible approach to work, finding themselves less distracted being away from the traditional office environment, more focused and productive. Feeling more energised at the end of the day having not wasted precious hours sitting in traffic, and what's more, the environment is thriving too.

This has to be a good thing for everyone, a win-win-win for personal wellbeing, business performance and our environment. As a former HR and Change Management professional for more years than I care to admit, I sincerely hope that the learnings here will help to transform our working landscape by embracing a more flexible model. My last two corporate assignments allowed me to work remotely, not just working with colleagues in one country, but across the world. I personally achieved a healthier work-life balance and felt more connected, proactive and motivated than in any other roles I performed in my corporate career.

There's Never Enough Time For Me - ‘What Never!’

Normal life as we know it has pretty much ground to a halt, we have put our ‘usual’ daily lives on pause, and what we are experiencing offers us an opportunity to step off the ‘hamster wheel’ as it spins a little slower for some or changes axis for others. For some, granted not everyone, we are experiencing changes to our usual routines and rituals which are opening up a little more of that precious commodity called ‘time’. Time is one of the main responses given when I ask coaching clients ‘what is the main barrier that stops you from doing the things you truly enjoy and value?’.

As the lockdown continues on, perhaps longer than many of us could have anticipated, we may find our energy waining a little, our resilience being tested a little further.

What if we invest a little more of our new found time, placing more emphasis and focus on our own wellbeing rather than looking for short term distractions. ‘Put the focus on me, wellbeing, whoa, now hang on there, I haven’t got that much time!’, I hear you say. Taking a moment for ourselves is an alien concept for many, a luxury we rarely afford ourselves.

Our focus is very rarely on ourselves, it is often with work, home, family, the next thing you need to do and the next place you need to be. Although it might sound a little dramatic, it is common for people not to stop until they are exhausted, take a moment to check in with themselves until they feel a physical pain, or take a moment to breathe normally. When we rush around the first thing that deserts us is our breath, our chest tightens and, as the lack of oxygen hits your body, it in turn, increases anxiety.

What if we consciously made a decision right now, when is ‘now’ not a good time, to stop, pause, take a deep breath. This is the point that I am asking for reader participation, yes that’s you! I’d like you to change into something bright and flowery, sit with your legs crossed, light a candle, focus only on your breath and chant ‘om’ for as long as it takes to still your mind, or your bum goes numb. Only kidding, whilst this works for many people it takes practice to quiet the mind for long periods and it’s not something that is generally mastered overnight. There are many different mindfulness and meditative tools and technics that are simple and easy to weave in your daily life. However, if it’s not something you’ve experimented with, let me introduce you to a small but powerful step to help you create the space to focus on your own awareness and be fully present in the moment.

Right, here goes, I invite you to stop, pause and breathe.

Close your eyes (only if it’s safe to do so), take a few slow deep breaths and allow yourself to ‘stop’ and be fully present in the here and now, experiencing the stillness of the moment, fully connecting with yourself, your body, your surroundings. Heightening all of your senses, noticing the space that is around you. Hearing the sounds around you; listening long enough to notice sounds both near and far.

As you are ‘paused’ in this moment turn your attention to your physical body, tuning into (being consciously aware) and scanning your whole body. Any tensions you feel, relax that area, any twinges that surface mindfully ‘breathe’ deeply (nice lung filled breaths that expand your tummy) into that area until they ease.

All the while pushing away any thoughts that stop you from being in this very moment, allowing the focus only to be ‘you’. Any thoughts that pop up allow them to drift and float past you, easily and effortlessly letting them go.

Remain in this relaxed space for as long as you need. When you are ready consciously bring yourself back to the here and now, open your eyes and gently stretch.

Take a moment to notice what you discovered whilst in this space and afterwards. I could hear five different kinds of bird song and a distant hum of a tractor, I corrected my posture realising I had a slightly achy back, I noticed I felt thirsty and remembered I had meant to go for that long held toilet break for some time. The deep breaths I took calmed me, my shoulders relaxed and I felt somehow more centred, with less of a head spin and more clarity.

Congratulations, that was you taking a moment to focus only on you through the practice of mindfulness and the basics of meditation. The benefits to personal wellbeing are multiple. It assists in changing your energy, your ‘state’, to a more relaxed and calming place. Allowing you in that very moment to be fully present, centred and connected to your surroundings, your physical body and conscious thoughts, quietening your mind amidst the endless internal chatter of our ‘monkey mind’.

Had I made this very suggestion to ‘stop, pause, breathe’ just a few weeks ago, the very idea of ‘taking a moment’ may have been met with the old adage that usually starts with I am too…. and is followed with busy, tired, focused on getting this that and the other done - blah de blah de blah! The usual response we can hear ourselves saying and convincing ourselves to be true, placing everything else as a higher priority. The one thing we can control right now is our breath, stopping for a moment and checking in with ourself, ‘am I OK?’.

Re-get, Reset or Regret?

The irony is whilst we have been ‘lockdown’, many of us have experienced some kind of freedom. It would be all too easy to forget what we’ve learnt about ourselves over recent weeks, those ‘new’ things and transformations, that have brought us enjoyment and a sense of a more enriched life.

It is often only when a life changing event is upon us, sadly usually linked to illness, tragedy or something out of our control, that we are likely to consider making the biggest and most fundamental changes to our lives. That’s no coincidence, as it is typically only when we are pushed or stretched to our limits that we decide ‘something has to give’.

Within our own familiar patterns and routines, whilst we adopted them to help us navigate our everyday lives, we can find ourselves wearing a groove in the well worn path we tread. Our established patterns and routines may not always serve us the best, but we keep going in the same direction. It reminds me of the adage ‘If you keep doing things the same old way, you’re gonna keep getting the same old results’.

In our working lives we've generally have some kind of performance review, where we evaluate how we’ve delivered against our goals and objectives. We find ourselves reviewing our achievements, our opportunities for growth and development, however, how often do we review or self-assess our own personal life? Ok, let's not be too hard on ourselves, maybe at the start of a New Year, in the form of a New Year resolution. That one fleeting moment when we might consider how we want this year to be better than the last and bring some good intentions into our lives. How far do we get in turning these good intentions into real, tangible actions?

I recall working with a client who had recently retired. He was fortunate enough to retire early and was still in the prime of his life, but was struggling to ‘find himself’, his sense of purpose and personal identity after many decades working as a very successful business man. As with many, work consumed him and had become his life. He now found himself without any meaningful structure or routine, at home with lots of time on his hands, not knowing what to do with his day, months, years and the rest of his life.

He wrestled with how to find something he was truly passionate about, an enthusiasm for something other than work to fill the void, and importantly how to connect with himself, which had become a totally alien concept. The ‘eureka’ moment came when he quite simply identified and re-engaged with his personal ‘core’ values, the things that were important to him. Something many of us subconsciously or consciously have been prioritising in our lives over recent weeks.

Whilst he was young enough to ‘re-get' his identity, find his mojo, and remember his personal dreams, he did go through a period of ‘regret’, regret for the aspects of himself he’d lost along the way. There is only but one letter difference between the word ‘re-get’ and ‘regret’, but a whole lot of sadness, lost opportunities and 'what ifs' attached to regret. As a coach one of my favourite mantras has to be ‘it’s never too late to rise, shine and live your best life’.

Rise Shine Live

Regardless of our personal circumstances right now, those of us working at home, key workers or those not able to work, each and everyone of us has a choice and how we decide to respond to our circumstances right now is entirely our own choice. Granted the circumstance surrounding the ‘core’ issue itself is unavoidable, however, what we can do is personally influence what changes we decide to make.

In our given situation we could choose to resign ourselves to being powerless, giving into the perceived lack of control, blaming the situation and others, forming fatalistic approaches and taking the option to be reactive. Alternatively we could choose to be pragmatic, make empowered choices and decisions that are proactive; creating our own opportunities.

I’ve loved the opportunity to really test my personal core values; the fundamentals of what is truly important to me. I’ve loved seeing our community spirit shining through and the spread of human kindness and compassion. I’ve loved seeing our country united in gratitude and celebrating our often unsung heroes.

When the lockdown eases it would be all too easy for life to go back to the ‘way it was’, back to our old patterns and routines.

In remembrance of the significant number of precious lives that have been lost, what would be more befitting than to honour their memory and celebrate their lives by making certain we learn from this time to create a better life for ourselves, our family, our country, our world!

I invite you to ‘stop, pause and breathe’, take a moment and choose what you want ‘your’ new norm to be, ‘it’s never too late to live your best life, to rise, shine and live.